I remember those beautiful sunny days in September two years ago. I remember them clearly even though I could not make myself enjoy and appreciate them. All I was feeling was that awful pain in my chest, like a huge, heavy metal thing that someone invisible was pressing hard on my chest. The pain that was popping out every day soon after I got up out of a bed and was with me the whole day long until I went to bed and felt asleep. And that cold sweat. The cold sweat that was covering my entire body. That annoying cold sweat that in combination with the chest pain totally blocked me out. I remember those days, the sunny, fresh and beautiful days that I was watching through my closed windows of my room. The days, the weeks, the months.
I suffered from depression before but I never experienced any physical symptoms. I did not know it was anxiety and anxiety with a combination of depression is a knockout for a human being. You just simply feel powerless. You simply do not know what to do. You feel so scared, so paranoid that even going outdoors becomes a challenge for you. And it was weird for me because I thought that since I finally overcame my eating disorders (2013), I would not suffer from depression ever again in my life. And then it hit me, the strongest depression I ever had in my life and anxiety, as an extra ingredient. Boom!
'Would you like to be prescribed with any of antidepressants for the time being?' I heard from a lovely and young psychologist in Newham Talking Therapies. The same question that I already heard four times in my life before turning 23. And I always answered 'yes' because this is how it was - I felt depressed, I took a pill. I felt depressed because of the eating disorders, I took a pill. Feeling depressed?, here's the pill to the rescue. But not this time. I did not want to be on antidepressant again. I refused. I refused because I really wanted to get an answer for me falling into depression again. Why did it happen again? I did not suffer from eating disorder any longer so what is then wrong with me? I needed an explanation for me. I needed to understand and to find a solution for what was happening to me over and over again.
Depression, eating disorders, anxiety and many others behavioural and mental disorders are very, very complex states of human mind and areas of psychology. They are experienced differently by millions of people and they are also treated differently. But what is the common denominator for all of them is THE SELF-ESTEEM.
It is all about your SELF-ESTEEM and ACCEPTING yourself fully.
It is all about your SELF-ESTEEM and LOVING yourself fully.
It is all about your SELF-ESTEEM and APPRECIATING yourself fully.
It is all about your SELF-ESTEEM and RESPECTING yourself fully.
It is all about your SELF-ESTEEM and UNDERSTANDING yourself fully.
It is all about how do you see yourself in your own eyes. What is your opinion about yourself? Are you happy with who you are, how you look and what job title do you have? Does the control of a food make you feel better? Does feeling your bones and skipping meals make you feel better? Does the job title you handle make you feel better? What if you were not be able to control your food or what if you lose your job?
Our self-esteem is the most crucial component of how we live, behave and function in a society. Strong self-esteem helps you to react to any of the 'life threats' reasonably because you know who you really are. You do not have to prove your skills or to seek for social acceptance because you know who you really are. You are not scared of what other people might think about you because you know and accept and like yourself.
A self-love and self-ecceptance gives you an incredibly amazing feeling of happiness that nothing and no-one can ever give you! They ENABLE YOU TO BLOSSOM and I am here to help you to feel this way.